Smaller rabbit holes
Dave here
A tale of two Dave’s. One was right.
2 mins
Every week I receive some variation of this email.
Hi Gary,
Dave here. I'm Business Development Manager at Awful Cold Email Company and I just wanted to get in touch...
Poor Dave. My sweet summer child.
He's done absolutely nothing wrong if we apply a courtesy lens to this opener. But he has absolutely shit the bed from a copywriting POV. Think 'Renton from Trainspotting level' of faux pas.
Lemme explain. Dave has just used some of the most valuable email real estate - the opening when I'm skimming and trying to see if this is worth my attention span (which is short at the best of times...) - to tell me something I either already know, or could discover by glancing three inches lower at his email signature.
David Ogilvy famously believed the headline of an ad did most of the heavy lifting.
Cold emails aren't much different.
The subject line is your headline and those early first email sentences need to land as well. They are your one chance to earn the second sentence.
So why, Dave, are you spending it on administration?
Introduce yourself. Absolutely. I'm not suggesting anonymous emails signed:
"Regards,
Some Bloke."
I'm just suggesting your name probably isn't the most interesting thing about you. Unless you are Akon. Not familiar with his real name? Go. Google. I'll wait. See! I told you. Wow.
Anyway… use the opening bit of the email to tell me something only you could have written. An observation, a challenge, a useful / original thought; it doesn't matter as long as it shows that you've spent more than twelve seconds thinking about my world.
Then, Dave, once you've earned my attention… now you can introduce yourself
Because here's the thing: Nobody has ever reached the bottom of an email and thought, "Hang on... who sent this?"
The signature's got that covered. Hell, your email address is probably a dead giveaway too.
Use your headline for something the signature can't.
Every week I receive some variation of this email.
Hi Gary,
Dave here. I'm Business Development Manager at Awful Cold Email Company and I just wanted to get in touch...
Poor Dave. My sweet summer child.
He's done absolutely nothing wrong if we apply a courtesy lens to this opener. But he has absolutely shit the bed from a copywriting POV. Think 'Renton from Trainspotting level' of faux pas.
Lemme explain. Dave has just used some of the most valuable email real estate - the opening when I'm skimming and trying to see if this is worth my attention span (which is short at the best of times...) - to tell me something I either already know, or could discover by glancing three inches lower at his email signature.
David Ogilvy famously believed the headline of an ad did most of the heavy lifting.
Cold emails aren't much different.
The subject line is your headline and those early first email sentences need to land as well. They are your one chance to earn the second sentence.
So why, Dave, are you spending it on administration?
Introduce yourself. Absolutely. I'm not suggesting anonymous emails signed:
"Regards,
Some Bloke."
I'm just suggesting your name probably isn't the most interesting thing about you. Unless you are Akon. Not familiar with his real name? Go. Google. I'll wait. See! I told you. Wow.
Anyway… use the opening bit of the email to tell me something only you could have written. An observation, a challenge, a useful / original thought; it doesn't matter as long as it shows that you've spent more than twelve seconds thinking about my world.
Then, Dave, once you've earned my attention… now you can introduce yourself
Because here's the thing: Nobody has ever reached the bottom of an email and thought, "Hang on... who sent this?"
The signature's got that covered. Hell, your email address is probably a dead giveaway too.
Use your headline for something the signature can't.